I saw my therapist today. She often reminds me of a change model that resonates. Picture a circle in the centre with three concentric rings around it. In the centre is the “comfort zone” which she says is more accurately labelled the “what I’ve always done” because even if it is my usual behaviour it might not feel comfortable at all. Immediately outside this core is a ring of fear. Naturally, I’ll feel fear if I try something different than what I have always done. For me, this can be saying no when I would usually say yes, not reaching out to check on someone I would usually check in with, or showing anger that I would usually swallow. Gulp.
Happily, once through the fear of doing something differently, there is the learning ring.
Did it go ok?
Could I tolerate it?
Would I do it again?
What I am learning?
Make no mistake, what I might learn is that initially I suffer a lot when I change. This is not evidence to revert necessarily, but it is information to notice.
And finally, the outer ring: growth. This is where whatever trials I have done can help bring me to new awarenesses and ultimately a changed way of being.
The whole model makes complete sense to me intellectually. In practice it is heartbreaking and heart opening all at the same time.
