I cannot get out of my own way right now.
I have a half-written blog post about Oliver Burkeman’s last column: the eight secrets to a (fairly) fulfilled life. I abandoned it because it felt too shallow for these times. I’d like to finish the post sometime soon because I do love his conclusions.
For a few months I have also been doing a deep dive into attachment theory. I read The Mother Wound and am currently reading Hold Me Tight. So many dots are connecting for me between secure attachment (or its absence) in infancy and later attachment needs in friendships, romantic relationships, and in the workplace. I’d like to write this post soon too. At the moment, it feels too ambitious.
These half-finished posts are a symptom of something deeper.
I find myself in an uncomfortable place right now:
- I am emotionally very tired. I can still feel a lot of joy, though I am causing myself a fair bit of suffering too.
- I find myself pulling back from some relationships because I don’t have the bandwidth to invest right now. This is scary and unfamiliar territory to me because people I love may think I don’t care.
- I have a huge feeling that I am not accomplishing much. What I can do, in the face of a world that seems in decay, can feel too small. I get confused and don’t do much.
I don’t think many of us have come through the past couple of years unharmed.
I have not.
I am burned out.
A new (joyful) relationship brings complex parenting needs.
I have some fractured relationships I feel sad about.
Chandler Coaches needs more TLC.
It’s risky to tell you this: Will you be drawn to work with me, or want to run far away?
What is true for me is that when I get in the room with a leader or a group, I come alive. Coaching leaders is in my bones. In the safety of showing up wholehearted, we do great things together.
While I keep feeling my feelings, and learning to tolerate discomfort by staying in the messy middle, I wonder if you’ll consider taking a chance that we can support each other? After all, the cure for burn out is not self-care, it is to surround ourselves by loving support.
My hunch is that you might need some too.