For months, I have been feeling some anxiety about all the work we’d need to do to get ready for some summer home exchanges we are hosting.
I made a mind map. I cajoled Peter into translating it into tasks on our phones. And then I continued to worry that he would not realize the passing of time. I worried that we’d end up doing almost everything in the last week. And then I worried that if anything else sprung up, like say two funerals last week and other things that need our attention, we’d be sunk.
“Anxiety builds in our idle hours”, says author Brianna West. “Fear and resistance thrive when we are avoiding the work”.
I felt like we were avoiding the work and just talking about the work. I wanted us to chip away at the work. And I wanted us to start a few months ago.
What I realize now, is how much energy I put into the idea that we should start, yesterday. And admittedly, I also held on to the idea that there was no use in me starting until Peter was on board. But sheesh, getting him to feel urgency was not working at all.
I realize that as much as I like to plan first, I am biased to action. It’s what I got angry about the other day. I am Hoss Chandler’s daughter after all. And I believe that most tasks can be fun and rewarding in the right contexts. For me, the most rewarding context is collaboration, a “we’re in this together” feeling. Plus snacks.
It gets confusing though, as ambitious action has been a life-long coping strategy too. Those who know me well, know that I used to make peoples’ heads spin with my constant movement on many fronts. I was avoiding slowing down so I could avoid feeling feelings.
These days, I feel my feelings but it also feels good when I take the next logical action(s) and have time to reflect and rest if I need it. Just thinking about action will never soothe me in the way that forward action does.
This weekend, we accomplished a bunch of things. So of course I feel good. And we know we have a bunch more to do this week. It will get done. Peter and I are gradually finding a “win for all” in the way we do work together.
I like how Brianna West concludes her essay: “it is easier to act your way into a new way of thinking rather than think your way into a new way of acting, so do one little thing today and let the momentum build.”
Ironically, for me the work is in letting go of there being a right way to do things, trusting the process and others.
But I am always going to feel good in the doing. It is who I am. And I like this about me!